Totally Freaking Out!

For those who don't know, I'm going back to work on Friday (yes, that's the day after tomorrow). I knew this day would come, but just not this soon. My mom (Ima) will be coming to take care of Ian, which is going to be great, but I'm still freaking out about going back to work. For the past 15 weeks, my whole world has been BABYLAND and I've loved every moment. I worry I'm going to miss out on way too much of the fun daily things Ian does. There's no way I can stay home without making Jason work extra jobs out the wazoo and then he wouldn't get to see Ian ever. I'm going to just have to suck it up and go back to work. I've only cried twice today so I feel like I'm doing okay. I'm very thankful Ima will be coming to take care of Ian. I don't think I could take him to daycare just yet. The idea of dropping Ian off at Kathy's house (that's the lady I have lined up for daycare in January) completely makes my stomach turn. Right now Ian sleeps from about 9p to 8a. If he continues this, I won't get to see him in the morning. For my own selfish reasons, I'm going to try to put him to bed earlier in the evening, so he'll wake up earlier in the morning. I want to be able to see my big boy smile in the morning and feed him before I have to leave. Friday is going to suck and if I could just push pause on my life right now I would.